Good Morning Readers,
Long time no see, but no long faces. We are back in a bigger and more substantial fashion than ever before, and all I can say is I've been waiting for this one.
Over the last month, I have graduated college, backpacked through the mountains of Scotland, moved to a new city, and started a new job. Whoever said change comes all at once was right according to my life plan.
Oh, and I published a book that is now being used in my alma mater college curriculum.
Was there anything else that could have happened?
Even for me who has been the 'main character' perpetrating all of these monumental feats, the magnitude of these events hasn't even sunk in. At risk at sounding like a humble brag, what has struck me most about all of these checked boxes is the fact that they all feel ...uneventful. Not like an uneventful day at work, but the kind of uneventful where you get to the mountain peak take it in (maybe cry a little) and then set off for the next. Not unimportant just un-earth shattering.
As someone who has constantly chased highs from life milestones such as these I've encountered lately, this feeling has forced me to reflect on the diffference between the reality and fantasy of our accomplishments. So much energy can be burned formulating, perfecting, and idolizing immaterial outcomes which when they actually come to pass are nothing like how we imagined.
How much of this is useful and how much is actually just distracting us from living in the moment and enjoying the process a long the way?
One learning I discovered in Scotland along the Great Glenn Way is while the end could be a helpful context for progress, some of the biggest learnings came disguised as small moments along the way.
It was the moment at the base of the Invergarry diversion where I learned to put my head down and focus on each step where I internalized the impact of my directed focus. It was the irritated, tired moments along miles of canal roads which taught me to appreciate momentary breaks and finally see that my pride isn't worth instigating my own pain. And yes, the final steps to the pillar in Inverness were a special moment too. But, it was just that one moment. One moment which compared against the hundreds of other moments along the way wasn't actually as significant.
But how many times along this way did I romanticize that final moment?
A lot.
So this is where I ask myself, how much more could I have enjoyed each moment if I had reclaimed that energy of looking forward to looking present? This is a question that has been lingering in my heart ever since returning from Scotland. And I do think it has impacted my outlook in a few ways.
For one, I've started caring less about the outcome. As a traveling nomad in the 4 weeks since returning to the states and before starting work, I've seen myself be more care-free in my mental schedule. I've become less 'what is the plan?' And more 'how do I want to spend the time'. I genuinely feel more relaxed to life flexibility. I feel more open to making my mind now, and if I end up doing it another way being okay too. This fluidity has helped me to breathe and slow down my own universe to a mangeable pace. One that is much less receptive to anxieties and self imposed pressures to "get it right" or "get it done" the first time just to get some future outcome. I'm internalizing that some things take a bit of time and adjustment along the way so I can begin to reclaim my previously wasted energy. And I am so okay with that.
Additionally, I am seeing the power of my people. The best part of all of these recent accomplishments is how they've all been reached in accompany of people I love. I graduated sat next to my best friend. I walked every step of the Great Glenn Way with my beloved dad. I moved in with my childhood soul sister. And now will be starting work with newfound friends. Every step of the way I've been with the people who lift me up, support me, make me laugh, and don't mind if I cry. It's a revelation to be surrounded by so much love and support while going through such monumental changes in my individual life path. And that is something I have really appreciated. From my soul I feel so blessed and lucky that I have such good people around me who I am excited to share these moments with. In short, it's been a nice reorientation for my hyper-independance to live in tandem with people who love me and to remind myself that all of this stuff doesn't really mean that much when compared to who I am blessed to be sharing it with.
Lastly, I think a big revelation that I've come to is embracing change as a noun. Before you run from the mention of gradeschool grammar hear me out. In my mind change has always been an action, one that we participate in actively and once stopped is halted until you begin moving again. But, what I've noticed this past month is some of the best changes are ones that happen by themselves. They aren't individually forced or made, they are observed and patient. I am not making myself change to feel more comfortable in my new city life, I am rather noticing how I am acclimating and finding new routines. As someone who literally just wrote a whole book on the verb of "moving through change" I think it is also important that I am observing the otherside of the dictionary definition. Not all change is made, some simply occurs. And the more I balance out my own perception of change the less pressure I am finding on my own shoulders to maintain whatever universal momentum I seem to have picked up lately.
I am only scratching the surface of all I have been thinking through the past weeks, but these are definately a good start. Moving through the many transitions in my life right now might not be setting in mentally, but setting them physcially into the home page of my blog seems like the best place to make them feel a little more real.
Here's to incorporating our life transitions in unexpected ways.
Until next time readers :)
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